"You look more like a doer than a planner" - Why I Roadtripped across America

I embarked on a huge road trip about four months ago, and it has transformed into my own Great American Road Trip. People I’ve met along the way usually want to know how I’m doing it (spoiler alert: cheap Airbnbs, credit card points, Priceline, hotels.com, Trader Joe’s, Panda Express, and lots and lots…and LOTS of saving over the past few years). Interestingly, few ever ask why I’m doing this. Why did you drop everything to aimlessly drive around the country? Perhaps it’s because many people would love to do it. I get it – it seems romantic and adventurous. When people told me they were driving cross-country, I was like, “ah…I want to do that! I’m jealous!” Maybe they were moving west, or going to visit friends or family, or maybe they just hated flying. Regardless, they typically had a purpose for doing it. For me, I had no plan or purpose. This journey was completely unplanned, but I have found purpose and meaning because of it, and it has become something that will define me for the rest of my life. It’s really what inspired me to start writing the Wayfaring Stranger.

A few weeks ago, I was staying at a Holiday Inn near La Jolla. The hotel had a particularly nice hot tub and pool area, and while there, a woman and her three children arrived. Her son was an elementary-aged kid, her daughter was a toddler, and she also had a newborn in a stroller. Unlike many self-absorbed children, these kids wanted to engage with all of the hotel’s pool-goers and make friends. After some initial pleasantries, the mom seemed to be particularly interested our long road trip (with three kids, I guess our life of freedom was quite a novelty to her). We talked about moving from place to place with no real destination in mind, and how liberating it is for the most part. At that point, her son, who had been listening intently, said, “yeah, you look more like a doer than a planner.” We laughed.

La Jolla - one of my favorite places in the world

But then I thought, hmmm….interesting. I’ve always thought of myself as a total planner! I mean, I love a good plan – having my day nicely laid out, knowing what clothes I’ll wear, knowing what I’ll eat – I LOVE that. The funny thing is that I’m now living a life that is unplanned by its very nature. Rather than a course that is clearly defined, I’m now living from day to day, unsure where each new day will lead.

For someone who loves a plan as much as I do, it can be a little disconcerting. Not knowing what I’m doing next month, next week, tomorrow, in an hour can make me crazy sometimes. The beauty of doing what I’m doing, however, is that I’m learning to be a little bit more accepting of life without plans.

For my entire adult life, I’ve been a planner, then a doer. I’ve continued on a strict forward-moving trajectory. Escaping my small hometown was first on my agenda, followed by college, and after that, a full-time job that led to graduate school. Each subsequent employment endeavor added responsibility, exactly as it should. All of this came to a screeching halt a few months ago.

Moving to Greece in September 2017 was a huge leap of faith for this planner (maybe I was more of a doer at that time). It was scary to take a limited-term position, but it was something I knew I’d always regret if I didn’t do it. For the entire semester in Thessaloniki, I was bracing myself to be stressed about having no plan, and more importantly, no job! All of that could take a backseat on my return to the USA, where I would spend the holidays in North Georgia relaxing and refreshing before worrying about not having a full-time job. It seemed easy enough! I did actually have my next plan lined up – I was flying to Australia to visit Jimbo and his family after spending New Years in New Orleans. Granted, I would be without a job, but it was still a plan.

Then I was hit with a curveball, like life sometimes throws our way – I’m sure everyone reading this can relate in one way or another. Family drama erupted, and my life was sent on a tailspin. Any plans that I had made were suddenly put on hold.

So, what do you do when you dive into a tailspin – fortunately, I’ve never been in an actual tailspin and the science of flight is an utter mystery to me, but I’ve been told that a pilot lets go of the controls and the plane will correct itself. I’m pretty sure there would also be a bit of panic, but maybe praying and faith take over too. So, I followed that example, letting go of the controls, panicking a bit, praying, and giving myself permission to just let life autocorrect and take me wherever it wanted.

As I mentioned before, I was planning on flying to Australia after New Years, but I realized that it was probably best to stay in the good ole’ USA until everything was worked out. Fortunately, I had been saving for years…saving my hard-earned money…to travel around the world. That’s right, after living in college housing for most of my adult life, I was taking “rent” money that I put aside monthly, so that I could have freedom and ultimately experience places in the world I’d always wanted to visit (that does address some of the “how” I made this trip happen). But after a figurative slap in the face, I realized that I should stay closer to home and find myself on a Great American Road Trip.

I was lucky that Qantas generously allowed me to bank my air travel for later in the year, but sadly, Australia would be on hold. Jimbo was super gracious, and he offered to start planning a trip back to America so that I wouldn’t be alone. We intended to meet in late January, but what was my plan until then, and what would happen after that?

Again, I was lucky that I had been a saver over the years. I had money, and thanks to my sister, I had my old car (Synergy). I did NOT want to stay in Georgia, so, as any doer does, I decided I’d go west! I picked up my best friend Rob in Atlanta, and we headed to New Orleans where I stayed with him for about three weeks. The nurturing and love that I received in NOLA with Rob, Amy (his roommate), and their friends was exactly what I needed to level out after my tailspin. New Orleans has often been a place of refuge for me, and this time was no different. It gave me time with friends, and the space to process what I wanted my life to be. My journey to better understand what I actually wanted in life was only just beginning, but I still had no plan for my next steps.

Shopping for sunglasses with my best friend Rob near New Orleans

No flights booked. No job prospects. No one expecting me anywhere. That was until Jimbo and I decided that we’d meet in Hawaii. So, I just started driving west from New Orleans to Portland, Oregon, where I would fly to Honolulu. As the journey took twists and turns, alternate plans took shape (which is the best part of any great road trip). I ultimately left the car in Denver, flew to San Francisco, and then finally to Honolulu. After eight incredible days on Oahu and the Big Island, Jimbo and I flew back to the mainland together where we reunited with the car in Denver. We continued driving west with no plan other than Jaytech’s two DJ gigs: one in Portland, and one in Seattle.

Jaytech (Jimbo) playing in Seattle

Here are the places I’ve been so far:

• Georgia: Atlanta
• Louisiana: New Orleans
• Texas: Houston - Austin - Dallas / Fort Worth
• New Mexico: Albuquerque
• Colorado: Denver
• California: San Francisco

Coconut drinking on a roadside stand in Oahu

Then I met up with Jimbo for all the rest...

• Hawaii: Honolulu - Kailua Kona
• Colorado: Denver (x2) - Colorado Springs
• Wyoming: Laramie
• Utah: Salt Lake City
• Idaho: Boise
• Oregon: Portland - Corvallis - Newport
• Washington: Olympia - Seattle
• Oregon: Portland (x2) - Salem - Eugene - Gold Beach
• California: Eureka (and the Redwoods) - Napa Valley - San Francisco (x2) - Monterey - Santa Cruz - Big Sur - Santa Rosa - Santa Barbara - Pasadena - Los Angeles
• Nevada: Las Vegas
• California: Newport Beach - Orange County - San Diego - Long Beach - Palm Springs
• Arizona: Phoenix

In some ways, I can’t believe what an epic journey it’s been. This trip was born out of a really difficult time in my life. But now, difficulty has been transformed into something so incredibly beautiful – an unintended journey into self-discovery that has ultimately become my recovery. That’s right, experiencing the USA like this has allowed me to recover from some difficult times. It’s shown me the investments I’ve made through the years as I’ve reconnected with friends and family all over the country. I’ve made new friends, and my entire life has taken a new turn.

My first ever Big Mac (Salt Lake City)

I’ve seen spectacular sites and done some amazing things (the Pacific Coast Highway, Redwoods, tsunami sirens, falling in love with Dutch Bros coffee, a horror-themed goth bar in Portland, surviving the snowy mountain passes of I-84, etc.), and while each new destination has been completely unplanned, I’ve learned something about myself in each and every place I’ve traveled. This journey has given me clarity about what I value in life. I always thought I just wanted safety and security: a house, a car, two weeks of paid vacation, and reliable health insurance. But I’ve learned that there is so much more to life than that! I need adventure, a life that is not weighed down by the mundane, but rather brimming with spontaneity and excitement. And sometimes, I need to be more of a doer, and less of a planner.

This journey has made me realize all of the possibility that I have in life, and while we all experience minor (or even major) setbacks, life can still be good. Right now, I have some incredible job prospects, and I’ve even been accepted into graduate school. My lack of plan has given me freedom and opportunity!

Maybe most importantly, this unplanned adventure has allowed me to define and solidify my values and self-worth. Others may try to bring you down, but never let what they do define you. Rather, the love invested in others is what truly matters. I have a rich and deep network of friends and family all over the USA. Seeing them in the far reaches of this country has shown me the value of love, and had I not undertaken this epic road trip, I would not have realized the depth of these relationships. My worth far exceeds that of those who have hurled curveballs my way, and those very same curveballs have actually made me a stronger, more loving, more compassionate, more understanding man than I was before.

My long-time friend from grad school and Seattle tour guide, Rob

I never intended to embark on this great American road trip (at least not at this point), but here I am. I always loved a plan, but here I am – plan-less, but I’m not direction-less. I have my sights set on a better future that I could have ever planned or foreseen.

But for now, I’m in Phoenix, and Arizona is home for the next month or so. After that, who knows? I don’t have a plan! It might be Seattle, or Denver, or San Diego, or Sydney, but the beautiful thing is that I’m not anxious about the lack of plan, I’m excited to continue on this journey, wherever it leads.

In Palm Springs with Inspectra Package (aka my cousin Jesse)

So, the kid in the Holiday Inn pool in La Jolla read me. (Do you know what I mean by that? Do you know what reading is? Let me define some gay lingo for you. It’s when someone looks at you, eyes peering out over their glasses, and states savage truth, a truth that you may have not been able to see because you were too involved and invested in your own situation. Drag queens are masters of reading, and they can read everything in the library without even opening a book. Do you get what reading is now?) So, yes, the library was open, and better than the fiercest drag queen with horn-rimmed librarian glasses imaginable (think or google Dame Edna), that kid read me when he said, “you look like more of a doer than a planner.”

I now wear it with pride, and for the rest of my life, I will be a doer. Yes, plans are sometimes (maybe even often) necessary, but I will make it my mantra…my mission…to be a doer, to inspire others to do, and sometimes, to realize that the best things in life occur when we throw out the plans, and just do.